To Go or Not to Go–That is the Question
Today I spoke to a group at a library about my new novel “Cookin’ for Love.” I mentioned that it was based on an experience I had with my best friend– she Googled her first lover, found him, then after much emailing back and forth, their romance rekindled, he invited her to see him half-way around the world – when his wife wouldn’t be there. Yes, though my friend was divorced, the guy had been married for over 30 years.
I explained that my friend came to me for advice – should she go? She was divorced, her kids were grown up, she’d had a bout of breast cancer, her last boyfriend had died- and she was in her fifties. I asked the audience what they would have advised. Usually the women over 50 in the audience yell, “You bet she should go.” Sometimes a younger woman will say, “But if he’s married, she’s a homewrecker” and we get into a discussion about the ethics vs. my friend’s need to do what she’s gotta do. Today, surprisingly, it was the one man in the audience who said it was wrong for her to go.
In fact, I advised my friend using an old adage we have in our family: “Don’t do what you think will bring you the most happiness, but the least pain.” She said, “I’ll go if you go with me.” I went and the novel ensued.
It is an interesting dilmena – to go or not to go when the guy is married. Though in her fantasies my friend might have imagined the guy would leave his wife for her, I don’t think she ever really believed it, even though he was making noises in his emails that he wasn’t happy. But guys like that seldom leave their wives. She knew that going in, but at her age, and after what she’d been through, she wanted to have the experience, the romance, the passion– even if it might hurt later.
I won’t tell you what happened to my friend. You have to read Cookin’ for Love to find out. But I’m curious to know what you out there feel about such a choice – to go or not to go, that was the question.
xxsharon b
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